Psychologists claim that feelings follow behavior. This is a lot of the basis of cognitive behavioral therapy. Think happy thoughts, the world is better. Sort of like choosing what kind of sunglasses to wear skiing: some make the snow and sky look rosy, some make it look like pee snow.
Is it really this easy to wake up and say goddamit I'm going to be happy. Change into the rose colored glasses? What's the point? Sometimes misery feels just fine. Like an old pair of faded jeans.
But there has to be more. Right? I'm strong. I should be able to do this. Cause I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and by golly people like me.
At a certain point, you just have to believe that change is possible. At least I'm talking myself into this and trying to live it. The "psychology major, biology minor, almost famous integrative health coach nurse" person inside of me can convince everyone else that this is true. Ah, yes, but to practice what we preach....
We "fire as we're wired" is another way to say this. Our neural pathways grow and deepen with practice. One reason why meditation is called a "practice." We are predispositioned with fight or flight as a survival mechanism. But relaxation is not this way, we must practice it. By practicing, we build and deepen our neurotransmitter-mediated responses. We can really learn to relax. With practice.
Neurotransmitters also help give us our feelings. Feelings follow behavior. Change the behavior. Fake it till ya make it. Practice gratitude. Practice kindness. Practice partnership. Practice forgiveness. Okay okay OKAY.
So, bottom line here is....duh. Duh. Duh. Followed by some whining and a few "but if only..." and "well I don't have time for that..." or "I would but I don't think [insert name of person involved] will so what's the point."
This might suck. For a while. I will whine. I will self aggrandize. I will be selfish and self-centered. I will pull away claiming self preservation and refusal to compromise. I've been so out of practice with partnership and reliance on another. My neurotransmitter pathways in that department have lost their juice.
Stay the course. Fire the unused wires. Fake it till we make it. Reconnect the pathways. Reconnect the dots. Reconnect. Reconnect.