I began this post yesterday with a narrative of an argument between me and Dr. Arm. And then, my 3 year old deleted everything before I saved it. It's just as well, you don't need that kind of boring crap.
The gist is, I'm in a bad mood because Dr. Arm spent most of the weekend at work and he's NOT even on call. In turn, Dr. Arm is in a bad mood because he spent most of the weekend at work and he's not even on call. And then we are both angry with the other one for being in a bad mood.
Sometimes it bleeds over into the "you are a negligent father" and the "this house is run like an insane asylum (run by the inmates)" argument. Yes, it's true, the TV remote is missing as well as the small red track button from Dr. Arm's laptop. I'm pretty sure I know where the red button is...probably hanging out in one of our childrens' GI tracts. I'll keep an eye out for it on the other end.
We're stuck in a way. There is no true end to Dr. Arm's workday, EVER. I try to mentally rehearse the things we heard at a great marriage enrichment seminar: "Be heroes to one another. Heroes create safe spaces for one another." [This is from Mary and Wayne Sotile.] I do want to make our home a safe place that Dr. Arm feels good about coming home to. But putting it into action is hard.
I spend a lot of time waiting around for a husband that doesn't show up. And I spend a LOT of time waiting. I can only remain cheerful for so many hours each evening. Especially since I'm doing Weight Watchers and cannot consume too much liquid cheer without forfeiting food.
When he is home, he may be here physically but mentally there is always a part of him somewhere else. Or, he's really just so tired, he's way down on Maslow's hierarchy. So, the effect is a lot of lonely time for me. And I guess that's the bottom line for both of us, loneliness. He's at work, alone. I'm sitting here, alone, writing to cyberspace to feel like someone is listening!
So, to anyone reading, thank you. This is a lot cheaper than therapy, and the babysitter that I'd have to hire to go to therapy.
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