Reflections of Marley & Me

[Forgive me friend (you know who you are), I just felt I needed to post this for others.]

 

An email I sent to a wonderful woman, was not myself but we are alike in many ways......

 

I watched Marley & Me last night. Not sure if you have seen/read it.

 

There is a part when they are on the beach and he says to Marley, "did you get everything you wanted?" The man is approaching his 40th birthday.

 

So for many reasons, the movie brought up lots of "issues." But I'm trying to think of them as opportunities.

 

We are on the fence about trying for baby #3.

 

My thoughts are I am too tired. I intellectualize by thinking of the genetic risks. I think about when am I getting my "real life" back.

 

But then I think there has never been a time when I felt more powerless but came out of it knowing exactly who I am and how powerful I am. I fear very little now.

 

There has never been a moment where I questioned or doubted my relationship between myself and my child. I  have never been able to give so willingly of myself to another human. Untrue of most other relationships with adults.

 

I thought of you when these issues came up. Not to over analyze and put something on you that may not be true but these are my thoughts....

 

You like being in control. You define yourself by what you say and do. This is intellectually driven. Sometimes it is hard for you to be guided entirely by your heart when it comes to a relationship with another person. You don't want to ever end up lost or dependent on someone else. So, flip these around....

 

Pregnancy and parenting force you to take what comes, you have no control. You are no longer defined by your external actions in the public eye. In fact, you may lose all external validation for a period of time. You become emotionally driven. You can intellectualize all you want but parenting comes from somewhere else. The books will never tell you what is the best thing for you and your child, the professionals can only help so much. You will be lost, many times. Someone is completely dependent on you for about 2 years.

 

In sum, becoming a parent forces you to face those things you may have spent the last 39 years building up very effective coping mechanisms against.

 

You are a highly functional woman and will live a wonderful life no matter what happens to you.

 

If you decide to become a mother, it will change your course forever.

 

This does not change it for the worse. It's just a foreign place. It's just scary. It takes your breath away and can rip your heart out.

 

But, as with anything I've ever seen you do, or known you to do, you pick yourself up. You look inside. You say Godammit I CAN do this. And, a whole new world may open to you. And you will love yourself.

Comments

[Liz]

Totally worth the wait. Thanks for sharing.