Searching for Mrs. Welby

Know any Feminum dealers?

Lately I'm wishing I could go to that cool island where Wonder Woman goes when she needs to revitalize herself. Do you remember the show? When she went in her invisible plane? Obviously you probably need to be at least 35 to remember this.

Does this exist for us? We modern Wonder Women? As we work behind the scenes for our Major Trevors yet quietly demand little? Where is my invisble plane? My sisters of Isis? All I get is Ambien and yoga. Pathetic. Fuck the sexy tights and flag draping.

Can anyone score me some Feminum? I'm missing my sistahs.

http://timstvshowcase.com/wonderwoman.html

The show was comic-strip, pure and simple, set in the 1940s.
Wonder Woman came from a "lost" island where a band of
Amazon women had fled ca. 200 B.C. to escape male domination
by the ancient Greeks and Romans. On Paradise Island they
found the magic substance Feminum, which when molded into
a golden belt gave them superhuman strength and in golden
bracelets could deflect bullets. It didn't help their love
life much, though, so when Major Steve Trevor of the U.S.
army crash-landed on the island during World War II, Wonder
Woman fell in love and returned with him to the U.S. in
the guise of his secretary. Major Trevor did not know her
powers, but when trouble threatened, Yeoman Prince could
disappear for a while, and whirl herself into Wonder Woman!
She then reappeared, clad in sexy tights and draped in a
cape that looked something like the American flag.

Teton Beaver

Wyoming porn?

No.

The current episode of Sunrise Earth, my new favorite TV show. I'm not even sure what "HDT" channel is on my TV but I'm addicted to this show. It's more like a screensaver really. The dog and I are very intently watching 3 ducks in a pond that has been created by a beaver dam. The Grand Tetons are in the background, the warm sun is rising. You can hear the birds and the bubbling water sounds.

Oooooh. Close up on tree stump. Goldfinches collecting food. I love my high def TV. God I can almost feel the warmth of the sun on me. OOOOOOOHHHHH! There goes the beaver himself/herself swimming in the water!

Every now and then it gives you the time of the day in the lower left corner of the screen. Oooh, snow capped mountain. So, it's like you are almost participating in a real sunrise out in God's country. Only you didn't have to wake up and hike in the darkness to get there before the sunrise. Wait, maybe that could be a really good thing: to be waking up early voluntariliy, walking alone, in nature, peacefully.

Something about this, while very soothing to my senses, is upsetting. Like all I really need is enough HDTV and I can go into a bubble and never come out? WAIT, lower left side note: A beavers lodge has a feeding den, a nesting den, and two underwater exits.

Back to the dark side: This guy, Rod Dreher, says:

I do wonder what ways we are undernourishing ourselves, literally and figuratively, by relying so heavily on technology to mediate our experience of the natural world. It's like a great philospher said, "Them belly full but we hungry."

Freakin'             me                 out. Got to get out of the house more. NEED SPRING.

No worries, though, I've got Sunrise Earth as a scheduled recording on my DVR.

Pardon the Interruption

Tony Kornheiser & Mike Wilbon
c/o PTI
ESPN Studios
Bristol, CT

Dear Tony and Mike,

First, let me say I love your show. And what mom wouldn't? In half an hour, you zip through the most important sports topics of the day. Not too much, just two minutes (use of a timer always popular with moms when disciplining children) for each topic. It's like a bitch-fest slamming people for doing stupid things, praising people when they've done something good, general keeping up with current events, and giving a woman something to talk about with her male partner. Much like a group of women discussing celebrity gossip. Plus, at the end we get to look at Tony Reali who is pretty damn hot.

However, I write to you about a potential legal scandal. This concerns my suspected failure of you both to disclose your financial interests in either TiVo, Time Warner, or Comcast. As much as I enjoy your show, the time at which it broadcasts is THE WORST for moms. As one of ESPN's commercials has said, "Six o'clock is dinner time." It is also known as THE WITCHING HOUR in most homes with children. I am simply unable to watch.

When my husband is home to watch the show, he cannot resist. Thus it causes the following cascade of events: a great deal of crying from the children who are now pushed out of the TV room (they were in there glued to Nick Jr which facilitates dinner preparation), children moving into the kitchen and bringing toys with them, mother unable to speak to children or friend on the telephone due to volume of crying, mother unable to communicate with husband due to hypnotism by PTI, mother injures self as she trips on toys strewn on kitchen floor, yelling from mother, increase in TV volume from husband, burning of dinner due to overwhelming distraction, increase in anger and resentment from mother towards husband, thus, in turn, eventually leading to the destruction of the sex life of the couple. Okay, I digress.

The only solution anyone seems to have discovered is TiVo or DVR technology. (A special shout out to my good friend "Judge K" [accomplished lawyer, great friend, mother of 3 boys, wife to Dr. Heart, labrador rescuer].) This could restore peace, love, and sex to all families in America.

Thus I suspect either you two or ESPN has significant financial ties to this technology. The popularity of your show forces families all over America to purchase the technology. You have created a market force and thus I presume have something to gain from it.

I hope you will be able to deny this and calm my suspicions. If it helps, I've defended Tony among his recent criticism of his performance on Monday Night Football. Everyone needs a little bit of "in your face New Yorker" right?

I am also open to accepting any consulting fees offered by the advertising companies for TiVo, Time Warner or Comcast for giving them another sales pitch for their services.

Your fan and concerned wife and mother,
Mrs. Welby

Did I just see what I thought I saw?

I just watched an ad for All Bran Yogurt something-something cereal. A construction worker is talking about his 10-day "challenge." All the while, huge, heavy items are falling down to the ground in the background scene.

First a steel I-beam falls, and I chuckle.

Then, he puts one leg up on a stool so his butt is to the side, and 3 or 4 oil barrels roll out of a truck bed in the background but also so they appear to roll out of his butt. I am too stunned to make any sounds.

Lastly, in his final statements about the product, a huge dump truck unloads bricks and stones behind him. I almost spit out my coffee. OK WE GET IT, he's taking DUMPS now!!!

This kind of bathroom humor is legal? I thought the Superbowl was in January?